Interpersonal Gap (Wallen)

• Refers to the degree of congruence between one person’s intentions and the effect produced in the other
   
• An "Interpersonal Gap" contains two transformations (private coding) of intention
  • I know mine and must infer yours.
  • You know your own, but must infer mine.
     
• We may describe the other’s effect by openly stating what feelings are aroused by their actions. 
  cf.: Awareness Wheel
   
• More often than not, we are unaware of our feelings as feelings.
  When this happens our feelings influence how we see the other and we label them or their actions in a way that express our feeling.  We do this even though we are unaware of our feelings or the influence they are having on us at the time.
  cf.: Meaning Making

Interpersonal Communication Skills 

• Use “I” Statements:
  • Lead with yourself
  • Own your own experience
  • Reinforce the fact that you create your own internal experience
  • Making references to things outside of yourself -- “the external” -- creates distance.
     
• Feeling Description: Report your inner state & internal feelings; expressed emotions have “fat” interpretations; described emotions have “skinny” interpretations.
  cf.: The Skilled Facilitator
   
• Behavior Description: Describe as seen from a video camera; report specific, observable actions without evaluation or ascribing meaning
  cf.: Feedback
   
• Perception Check: This is my guess, am I accurate? Describe another’s feelings by transforming the experience into a statement